Kanda's Lament
by WillowSioui
Summary: Kandaxoc The Black Order has defeated the Millennium Earl. Kanda decides to leave the Order and go find his Master. When he goes, he has to leave his best friend alone. He leaves her a letter containing his feelings for her, but it's a little too late.


**Title: **Hurt-Kanda's Lament

**Rating: **K

**Genre: **Hurt/Angst

**Pairing(s): **Kandaxoc

**Disclaimer: **I don't own D.Gray-Man. I own the oc and the plot. italics are Kanda thinking, normal is him talking, italics & bolding are the song lyrics

**Summery: **Kandaxoc The Black Order has defeated the Millennium Earl. Kanda decides to leave the Order and go find his master. When he goes, he has to leave his best friend alone. So that he doesn't feel as bad as he should, he leaves her a letter. (The letter is the lyrics for 'Hurt' by Johnny Cash.)

_**I hurt myself today**_

_**To see if I still feel**_

_**I focus on the pain**_

_**The only thing that's real**_

Kanda walks through the halls of the Order, taking one last look at everything. He nodds at people as he passes, earning surprised looks. He goes to the lounge to find Lavi talking with Bookman.

"Hey, stupid rabbit. Have you seen Kissa anywhere?" Lavi shakes his head.

"No, I haven't. Have you, Panda?" Bookman glares at him. Lavi smiles. "Guess not. Why do you want to see her? Is she that special to you, Yuu?" Kanda smacks him upside the head.

"Stop calling me that." He then turns on his heel and walks out of the room. He continues to walk around the Order, and decides to check the library. When he doesn't find her there, he tries the cafeteria. _She's always here… _but he finds Allen instead. Kanda glares at him.

"Goddamn Beansprout. Have you seen Kissa?" Allen swallows what he was eating, and shakes his head.

"Nope. Sorry, feminine-face." Kanda's left eye twitches, but he calms himself. _No, I've got to find Kissa. _He walks away from Allen and out the doors. He goes up a couple flights of stairs to the living quarters. He goes to his room, but stops short of opening the door. He instead moves three doors down, and knocks on the door. A small girl opens the door. She is about three inches shorter than Kanda, and is wearing a white dress. She has blonde hair that reaches mid-back, and blue eyes. Her entire face lights up when she sees him.

_**The needle tears a hole**_

_**The old familiar sting**_

_**Try to kill it all away**_

_**But I remember everything**_

"Yuu! What is it?" Kanda scowl's at her.

"Not much. And stop calling me that." Kissa laughs sheepishly and scratches the back of her head.

"Sorry. Um…do you want to come in?" She steps to one side, opening the door. Kanda walks into the room and sits in a chair. Kissa closes the door and goes over to him. She pulls up another chair and sits in front of him.

"So, what is it you want to talk about?"

_**What have I become?**_

_**My dearest friend**_

_**Everyone I know**_

_**Goes away in the end**_

Kanda leans back in his chair and closes his eyes, looking utterly comfortable.

"Not much. I just wanted to tell you ahead of time." Kissa's smile disappears from her face.

"Tell me what?" He slowly opens his eyes and sighs.

"I'm going to be leaving."

"For a mission?" Kanda thinks for a moment.

"Technically, yes." Kissa lets out a deep breath.

"Thank God." _Sorry, Kissa. I don't think 'God' has anything to do with it. _

_**And you could have it all**_

_**My empire of dirt**_

_**I will let you down**_

_**I will make you hurt**_

He reaches into his coat, and pulls out a small white envelope. He hands it to her.

"Do not open this until I'm gone, you hear?" She nodds.

"Yeah. What is it?" Kanda shakes his head.

"You'll find out soon enough." He gets up and walks to the door. He turns the handle and opens it. "I'm sorry, Kissa." He walks out of the room, closing the door behind him.

"I'm so sorry." He whispers.

_**I wear this crown of thorns**_

_**Upon my liars chair**_

_**Full of broken thoughts**_

_**I cannot repair**_

He starts walking away from the living quarters and into the halls. He walks through groups of people, and to the underground waterways. He hears someone running up behind him, and turns around. Komui Lee hands him a check.

"For the troubles." Kanda glares at him, but takes the check.

"I don't think any amount of money can cover the troubles you idiots have caused." He pauses for a moment. "Thank you." Komui smiles.

"Of course."

_**Beneath the stains of time**_

_**The feelings disappear**_

_**You are someone else**_

_**I am still right here**_

Komui turns around and walks back up the stairs to the main floors. Kanda looks at the ferryman. _Okay…this is getting __really__ ironic. _The ferryman looks up at Kanda.

"There is a leak. It'll take about ten minuets to complete. I'll be back soon." He gets up and walks up the stairs. Kanda turns to look out at the river.

"Kanda!" He spins around to see Kissa standing there, huffing from running all throughout the Order trying to find him. She has tears in her eyes. Kanda blinks in surprise.

"I'm sorry, I know you told me not to come, but-" She waves an envelope and a letter around. "Your just going to leave?"

_**What have I become?**_

_**My sweetest friend**_

_**Everyone I know**_

_**Goes away in the end**_

"You can't just leave! I promised you I'd help you find him! If your going to leave, bring me with you!" Kanda watches in amazement as tears start streaming down her cheeks.

"W-why are you crying?" Kissa's posture falters slightly.

"You weren't going to take me. You were going to leave me alone." And she starts crying, hiding her face with her hands.

_**And you cold have it all**_

_**My empire of dirt**_

_**I will let you down**_

_**I will make you hurt**_

He walks over to her, and looks at her. He puts a hand on her head and ruffles her hair. She drops the letter an wraps her arms around his waist, hiding her head in his chest. His eyes widen, but then narrow, because he sees the exorcists and science department personnel watching from the staircase. He also saw Lavi saying 'told you' to Allen. He glares at him, then looks back to Kissa.

"Pleas stop crying. I don't' need any rumours to go around while I'm gone." Kissa looks up at him. When she saw he isn't joking, she lets go of him and hangs her head.

"Sorry." He turns around and takes a few steps foreword before turning around again. He walks right up to her and bends down.

_**If I could start again**_

_**A million miles away**_

_**I would keep myself**_

_**I would find a way**_

He whispers in her ear,

"I'll come back for you. I promise." He then kisses her forehead and brushes her hair out of her face. He then turns around and goes onto the boat. The ferryman comes back and starts to move to boat away from the walkway. _I will find a way… _

**Please review! I hope Kanda didn't go too ooc! I'll even except flames! To the song 'Hurt' by Johnny Cash. (It's actually Nine Inch Nails song, but I like this version better! XD) **

**Ryuu**


End file.
